Autism/ADHD

Taming the tyrannical inner critic: A guide for autistics and ADHDers

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Essy Knopf tyrannical inner critic
Reading time: 3 minutes

If you’re autistic or ADHD and constantly hear a voice telling you you’re “not good enough,” you’re not imagining it—and you’re definitely not alone.

That voice? It’s your tyrannical inner critic (TIC). And for many neurodivergent (ND) folks, it’s an all-too-familiar presence.

The TIC is the voice that says: “You’re going to mess this up.” “Why even try? You always fail.” “People don’t like you. You’re too much.”

It never rests. It never encourages. It only tears you down—and convinces you it’s doing you a favor by doing so.

Where Does the TIC Come From?

The TIC is often a product of trauma—especially complex PTSD, which is sadly common among autistics and ADHDer.

Many of us grew up being told (directly or indirectly) that our needs were too much, our behavior was wrong, or that we simply didn’t belong. We learned to anticipate rejection. We started beating ourselves up before anyone else could.

The TIC tries to protect us by warning us away from risks and mistakes. But it does so by keeping us stuck in self-criticism, fear, and avoidance.

It whispers: “Stay small and safe. If you don’t try, you can’t fail.” But what it really steals is your chance to live fully.

How the TIC Shows Up in Neurodivergent Lives

The TIC isn’t just a voice in your head. It can shape your whole world.

🌀 You avoid trying new things because you expect failure.
🌀 You shrink your life down to what feels “safe.”
🌀 You internalize ableist standards and feel like you’re never enough.
🌀 You catastrophize even small mistakes—and spiral into shame.

The TIC thrives on old messages and assumptions. It echoes the voices of critical caregivers, teachers, peers, or society at large. And over time, it becomes so familiar that it feels like truth.

But it’s not the truth. It’s trauma.

You Are Not the TIC

Here’s the first thing to know: you are not your TIC.

It’s just one part of your inner experience—a scared, protective part. It’s not inherently evil or malicious. It’s just outdated. And it needs help learning a new role.

You don’t need to fight it. You can befriend it. Here’s how.

Essy Knopf tyrannical inner critic

7 Ways to Tame the Tyrannical Inner Critic

💬 Name it: Give your TIC a name or character. Naming creates distance and softens the power it holds.

🧠 Label it: Try saying, “My TIC is telling me that I’m going to fail.” This helps separate the thought from you. You are the observer—not the thought.

🧘‍♀️ Practice mindfulness: Ground yourself in the present with mindful breathing or sensory awareness. This calms the nervous system and gives you space to respond, not react.

🎭 Visualize a container: Imagine putting the TIC in a little box. Close the lid. When it pops back out (because it will), gently put it back in. Rinse and repeat.

✍️ Journal your TIC’s patterns: Writing down what your TIC says helps you spot its scripts—and challenge them over time.

🗣️ Talk back with compassion: Try saying: “Thanks for trying to protect me. I know you’re scared. But I can handle this now.” Self-kindness is your greatest tool here.

🤝 Connect with others: The TIC thrives in isolation. Talking to someone—a friend, therapist, or community member—can put your fears into perspective and remind you you’re not alone.

What the Tyrannical Inner Critic Doesn’t Want You to Know

The TIC does not want you recognize that mistakes are human, and growth requires risk. But the truth is, you can handle discomfort—and come out stronger. And you are worthy, just as you are.

The TIC wants you to play it safe—but at the cost of your joy, your potential, your freedom.

When you meet the TIC with empathy, you take back your power. You don’t have to believe everything it says. You get to choose what voice guides your life.

Final Thoughts

You may never completely silence the tyrannical inner critic. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to get rid of it—it’s to learn how to live alongside it with self-compassion and boundaries.

Because when you do, something magical happens: The TIC gets quieter. Your true voice gets louder. And you begin to build a life based not on fear, but on hope.

Do you recognize your TIC? What name would you give it? How have you learned to cope with its criticism?

Autism/ADHD

Neurodivergent cognitive rigidity: Why change feels so hard

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Essy Knopf neurodivergent cognitive rigidity
Reading time: 2 minutes

“Why can’t you just be more flexible?”

If you’re neurodivergent (ND), you’ve probably heard that more than once. But what others call “rigid” is often cognitive rigidity—a form of mental patterning that offers predictability, structure, and safety in an unpredictable world.

And for many autistic and ADHD folks, that predictability isn’t optional. It’s survival.

What Is Cognitive Rigidity?

Cognitive rigidity refers to difficulty shifting thoughts, routines, or expectations. It can look like resisting last-minute changes, struggling to see alternate solutions, or clinging to specific preferences.

But for ND minds, cognitive rigidity is rarely about control for control’s sake. Instead, it’s a protective response to chronic stress, social shaming, sensory overload, and social unpredictability.

It’s what we lean on when everything else feels too much.

The Hidden Function of Rigidity

Rigidity often kicks in when we’re overwhelmed—especially when sensory, executive, and social bandwidths are maxed out.

NDs tend to process more stimuli and expend more energy navigating social expectations. Add in loud environments, unspoken rules, or unclear plans, and you’ve got a perfect storm.

Cognitive rigidity helps manage that chaos by narrowing the options. It simplifies things. It gives us a sense of control.

Rigidity Is Often a Response to Ableism

Let’s not ignore the broader context: we live in a world that centers neurotypical (NT) ways of thinking, communicating, and being. This structural ableism pressures us to adapt constantly—often at our own expense.

Cognitive rigidity becomes a defense against that pressure. A way to shield ourselves from environments that don’t consider our needs. A way to avoid judgment, sensory harm, or being misunderstood.

And who can blame us?

Essy Knopf neurodivergent cognitive rigidity

When Cognitive Rigidity Backfires

While cognitive rigidity can be protective, it can also become restrictive.

It can keep us from trying new things, connecting with others, or growing into spaces that might actually support us—if we had the chance to ease in at our own pace.

Avoidance tends to breed more anxiety. The more we resist change, the scarier it can feel. And the more our world shrinks, the more isolated we may become.

Building Gentle Flexibility (Without Forcing It)

Flexibility doesn’t mean abandoning your structure. It means expanding it—gently and intentionally.

Here’s how:

  • Start Small: Try a slight variation in your routine. Go to a familiar café but order something different. Change doesn’t have to be dramatic to count.
  • Plan for Recovery: Know that new experiences might drain you. Have supports in place—noise-canceling headphones, alone time, or a sensory toolkit.
  • Talk About It: Let others know that cognitive rigidity isn’t stubbornness—it’s strategy. When people understand your needs, they’re more likely to accommodate them.
  • Challenge Catastrophizing: Notice when your brain jumps to worst-case scenarios. Remind yourself: “This is unfamiliar, not dangerous.”
  • Practice Self-Compassion: You’re not broken for needing structure. You’re wise for learning how to protect yourself in a world that often doesn’t.

A New Way to Think About Cognitive Rigidity

What if we reframed rigidity not as a flaw—but as wisdom born from experience?

Because that’s what it is. It’s your brain doing its best to keep you safe.

And yes, while safety matters, so does the freedom to grow, connect, and explore.

If we can meet ourselves with gentleness, communicate our needs clearly, and take tiny, intentional steps toward flexibility, we can start to expand our world—without abandoning ourselves.

How does cognitive rigidity show up in your life?

Autism/ADHD

The hidden trauma: Neurodivergent kids of narcissistic parents

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Essy Knopf narcissistic parents
Reading time: 2 minutes

Autistics and ADHDers already navigate a world that often misunderstands them. But when neurodivergent (ND) children grow up with narcissistic parents, the challenges multiply, leaving deep psychological scars. These children are frequently forced into roles that serve their narcissistic parents’ emotional needs, rather than being nurtured for who they truly are.

Many ND adults recall childhoods where their narcissistic parents invalidated their feelings, used guilt and shame as control tactics, or even manipulated them into believing their needs were selfish. This complex form of emotional abuse can lead to long-term struggles with self-worth, codependency, and people-pleasing tendencies.

Why Narcissistic Parents Struggle with Neurodivergent Children

Narcissistic parents thrive on control, validation, and maintaining an idealized self-image. A child who is “different”—who stims, who hyper-focuses on niche interests, who struggles with social norms—may threaten that image. Rather than seeking to understand their child’s neurodivergence, narcissistic parents may:

  • Gaslight their child, dismissing their needs and emotions as invalid.
  • Use their child as a source of narcissistic supply, demanding excessive admiration or compliance.
  • Force masking, expecting their child to hide their ND traits to avoid embarrassment.
  • Play the victim, making the child feel responsible for their parent’s emotional well-being.

This creates a confusing environment where ND children feel unseen, misunderstood, and constantly at fault for simply existing as they are.

The Long-Term Impact on Neurodivergent Adults

Children raised in these environments often develop harmful coping mechanisms, including:

  • People-pleasing behaviors to avoid conflict or abandonment.
  • Hyper-vigilance, always anticipating criticism or rejection.
  • Internalized shame, believing their ND traits make them unworthy.
  • Difficulty setting boundaries, due to being conditioned to prioritize others’ needs over their own.

Many ND adults struggle with identity confusion because they spent years suppressing their true selves in order to survive. Having been raised by narcissistic parents, they may also unconsciously seek out similar relationships in adulthood, repeating harmful patterns of emotional dependence and validation-seeking.

Essy Knopf narcissistic parents

Healing and Reclaiming Your Authentic Self

Breaking free from the cycle of narcissistic parents’ control starts with recognizing the patterns and rebuilding self-trust. Here’s how:

  1. Acknowledge the Trauma: Your experiences were real and valid. Understanding that your struggles stem from your environment, not personal failure, is the first step to healing.
  2. Reclaim Your Autistic or ADHDer Identity: Embrace your ND traits as strengths, not weaknesses. Unlearning internalized ableism allows you to appreciate your authentic self.
  3. Set Boundaries: If your narcissistic parents continue to manipulate or disrespect you, establishing clear limits is crucial. You have the right to protect your emotional well-being.
  4. Find a Neuroaffirming Community: Seek out spaces where your neurodivergence is celebrated, not shamed. Connecting with others who understand your experiences can be incredibly validating.
  5. Consider Therapy: Working with a neuroaffirming therapist can help unpack childhood conditioning, build self-worth, and develop healthier relationship patterns.
  6. Challenge Internalized Beliefs: Many ND adults raised by narcissistic parents struggle with deep-seated beliefs that they are inherently flawed. Recognizing these thought patterns and replacing them with affirming self-talk is essential to rebuilding self-esteem.

You Are Not Alone

If you grew up with narcissistic parents, know that your worth is not determined by how well you met someone else’s expectations. Your neurodivergence is not a flaw, but a unique and valuable way of experiencing the world.

Healing takes time, but reclaiming your authenticity is worth it. You deserve to be seen, heard, and accepted—exactly as you are.

Autism/ADHD

The double empathy problem: Why autistic and ADHD communication isn’t the issue

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Essy Knopf double empathy problem
Reading time: 3 minutes

Have you ever been told you “lack empathy” just because you communicate differently? Many autistics and ADHDers have, and it’s a frustrating and deeply unfair accusation. The assumption that neurodivergent (ND) people struggle with empathy stems from a widespread misunderstanding—one that the double empathy problem challenges head-on.

What Is the Double Empathy Problem?

Coined by autistic researcher Damian Milton, the double empathy problem suggests that communication difficulties between NDs and neurotypicals (NTs) aren’t solely due to a “deficit” in autistics or ADHDers. Instead, these difficulties arise from both sides struggling to understand each other due to their different ways of processing social information.

NTs often assume that their way of engaging in social interactions is the universal norm, leading them to misinterpret or dismiss ND communication styles. Autistics and ADHDers frequently experience the frustration of having their intentions misunderstood, their words misread, and their behaviors unfairly judged.

In other words, it’s not that NDs don’t experience empathy. It’s that NTs often fail to empathize with ND communication styles.

Why Neurotypicals Misinterpret Neurodivergent Communication

NTs tend to rely on unspoken social rules, body language, and subtext in their interactions. Autistics, on the other hand, often communicate more directly and literally, while ADHDers may struggle with impulse control, interrupting, or shifting topics quickly. These mismatches can create misunderstandings, such as:

  • An autistic offering honest feedback and being perceived as “rude.” Many NTs expect social niceties and indirect communication, while autistics often value clarity and honesty.
  • An ADHDer excitedly interrupting in conversation and being seen as “disrespectful.” ADHDers may struggle with impulse control, but their interruptions are usually a sign of engagement, not disregard.
  • An NT expecting subtle emotional cues and assuming an ND doesn’t care when they don’t pick up on them. Autistics and ADHDers may express care in ways that differ from NT expectations, such as problem-solving instead of offering verbal reassurance.
  • Autistics and ADHDers showing empathy in unique ways (like offering solutions rather than sympathy), which NTs might not recognize as empathetic. This can lead to the false perception that NDs lack compassion when in reality, they are trying to help in the way that makes the most sense to them.

Rather than acknowledging these differences, many NTs assume their way of communicating is “correct” and judge autistics and ADHDers unfairly. This one-sided perspective fuels harmful stereotypes, often leading to NDs being labeled as socially inept, inconsiderate, or even lacking in emotional depth.

The Emotional Toll on Neurodivergent People

Because NT society often places the burden of adaptation on NDs, many autistics and ADHDers end up masking their natural communication styles to avoid conflict. Masking—consciously or unconsciously imitating NT behaviors—can be exhausting, leading to stress, burnout, and even a loss of self-identity.

For example, autistics may force themselves to make eye contact, suppress stimming, or carefully script conversations. ADHDers may work to suppress their natural enthusiasm, monitor their speech patterns, or try to appear more “focused” in conversations.

This expectation that NDs must always adjust—without NTs making the same effort—reinforces systemic ableism. The result? Many NDs experience chronic anxiety in social settings, hesitant to engage for fear of being misunderstood or judged.

Essy Knopf double empathy problem

How Can We Bridge the Communication Gap?

Understanding and respecting different communication styles is the key to overcoming the double empathy problem. Here are a few steps both NTs and NDs can take:

  • NTs: Recognize that direct communication isn’t “rude” and that ND expressions of empathy might look different from what you expect. Be open to different ways of connecting.
  • NDs: Set boundaries around masking and self-advocate for your communication needs when possible. Explain your communication style when appropriate.
  • Everyone: Practice mutual respect, ask for clarification instead of making assumptions, and acknowledge that different perspectives can enrich communication.

Final Thoughts

The double empathy problem reminds us that empathy is a two-way street. It’s time to challenge the outdated idea that autistics and ADHDers are the ones lacking in social understanding. True inclusion means recognizing that NT communication isn’t the default—it’s just one of many valid ways to connect.

By making space for different communication styles, we can move toward a more inclusive and accepting society—one where both NTs and NDs can engage with each other authentically, without fear of judgment.

How has the double empathy problem affected your experiences? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Autism/ADHD

Introducing DANDORI: A productivity system for neurodivergents

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Essy Knopf DANDORI executive functions
Reading time: 3 minutes

For many autistics and ADHDers, daily life is like trying to juggle too many balls at once—except those balls are constantly changing shape, and some vanish the moment you reach for them. Executive dysfunction makes it hard to organize, prioritize, and complete tasks, leading to frustration and a feeling of being stuck.

Common struggles include:

  • Knowing what needs to be done but struggling to start (task initiation issues)
  • Hyperfixating on one task while ignoring everything else (time blindness)
  • Forgetting appointments, deadlines, or important responsibilities (working memory challenges)
  • Feeling overwhelmed by big tasks because breaking them down seems impossible (task chunking difficulties)
  • Struggling with transitions or shifting focus between activities (attention-switching issues)

The world often expects neurodivergents to simply “try harder,” but effort alone isn’t enough when the brain’s executive functions work differently. Instead, structured strategies—designed with neurodivergent needs in mind—can create pathways to success. Enter the DANDORI system.

Introducing DANDORI: A Productivity System for Neurodivergents

DANDORI is a structured framework for improving executive function. Borrowing from a Japanese term meaning “procedure for carrying out a plan,” DANDORI helps break tasks into manageable steps, boost motivation, and increase accountability. Each letter in DANDORI stands for a key principle:

D – Do More, Keep Busy (With Intention)

For many neurodivergents, motivation swings between extremes—either hyperfocus or complete inertia. By balancing activity levels, we can regulate motivation more effectively. Strategies include:

  • Chunking: Breaking tasks into smaller, achievable steps to reduce overwhelm.
  • Task Batching: Grouping similar activities together (e.g., answering emails in one session) to improve efficiency.
  • Active Transitioning: Using short physical activities (e.g., stretching, walking) between tasks to maintain momentum.

A – Accountability

Having external accountability structures can make all the difference when motivation wanes. Some ways to maintain accountability include:

  • Using Habit-Tracking Apps: Apps like HabitShare allow you to log progress and even involve friends in your goals.
  • Body Doubling: Working alongside a friend (virtually or in-person) can help increase focus and follow-through.
  • Public Commitments: Sharing your goals with a trusted person can create a sense of responsibility and increase follow-through.

N – Nurture Motivation (Success Stacking)

Motivation thrives on small wins. By creating early successes, we can build momentum and confidence. Strategies include:

  • Success Stacking: Starting with small, easy tasks before tackling harder ones.
  • Rewarding Progress: Giving yourself incentives (e.g., a break, a snack, or watching a favorite show) after completing tasks.
  • Pomodoro Technique: Working in 25-minute focus sprints followed by 5-minute breaks to maintain motivation.
Essy Knopf DANDORI executive dysfunction

D – Define Goals

Clear goals prevent tasks from feeling overwhelming and directionless. Tools to help with goal-setting include:

  • The Eisenhower Matrix: Categorizing tasks based on urgency and importance.
  • SMART Goals: Ensuring goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.
  • Reverse Planning: Working backward from a deadline to map out necessary steps.

O – Optimize Tracking & Organization

Creating an organized system minimizes cognitive overload. Some helpful approaches include:

  • Numbered Folders & Labels: Keeping digital and physical spaces structured.
  • Task Boards & Planners: Using tools like Trello, Notion, or a simple bullet journal to track progress.
  • Automated Reminders: Setting up notifications for tasks and deadlines.

R – Remind Yourself

Memory aids are crucial for managing executive dysfunction. Strategies include:

  • Using Sticky Notes & Whiteboards: Placing visible reminders in key areas.
  • Voice Notes & Digital Assistants: Recording quick notes or using smart home devices for reminders.
  • Visual Timers & Clocks: Displaying countdowns for task completion.

I – Implement Time Management

Neurodivergent time perception can be inconsistent, making it essential to develop time management techniques:

  • Time Blocking: Allocating fixed time slots for specific activities.
  • Flexible Scheduling: Allowing buffer time between tasks to accommodate energy fluctuations.
  • Gradual Adaptation: Starting with shorter work periods and increasing as focus improves.

Final Thoughts

No system works perfectly for everyone, so it’s essential to tailor these strategies to your unique needs. Be flexible, experiment, and most importantly, practice self-compassion. The key to managing executive dysfunction isn’t perfection—it’s persistence.

Would you try the DANDORI system? What strategies have worked for you? Share your thoughts in the comments below!

Autism/ADHD

Why neuroaffirming therapy is essential for autistic and ADHDers

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Essy Knopf neuroaffirming therapy
Reading time: 4 minutes

If you’ve ever explained your autistic or ADHD-related challenges to a therapist, only to have them dismiss or misunderstand you, you’re not alone. Many neurodivergent (ND) individuals experience therapy that is based on neurotypical (NT) standards, failing to recognize their unique experiences and needs. This disconnect can be disheartening and even harmful, reinforcing feelings of alienation, self-doubt, and shame.

This is where neuroaffirming therapy (NAT) comes in. Unlike traditional therapeutic approaches that may view neurodivergence as a disorder to be fixed, NAT respects autism and ADHD as natural variations of human cognition. It focuses on validation, self-acceptance, and working with clients’ strengths rather than against their neurology.

NAT promotes an approach that acknowledges both the challenges and strengths of being ND, ensuring that therapy is tailored to the individual rather than forcing conformity to NT norms.

What is Neuroaffirming Therapy?

NAY is an attachment-based, trauma-informed, and strengths-focused approach that centers the lived experiences of autistic and ADHD clients. It acknowledges that many mental health struggles among NDs stem not from their neurotype itself, but from a world structured around NT expectations.

The stress of trying to navigate an environment that is not designed for them can lead to anxiety, depression, burnout, and masking—all of which NAT seeks to address with compassion and understanding.

Instead of forcing NDs to conform, NAT helps clients navigate the world while honoring their authentic selves. It challenges ableism, prioritizes self-compassion, and fosters empowerment. This approach helps clients build self-esteem, set boundaries, and advocate for accommodations that allow them to thrive.

How Neuroaffirming Therapy Differs from Traditional Therapy

Many traditional therapies operate within a deficit-based model, which assumes that NDs need to be “fixed” or trained to behave in NTs ways. This can result in harmful practices such as:

  • Masking Encouragement – Encouraging NDs to suppress stimming, force eye contact, or change their communication style to fit neurotypical expectations.
  • Pathologization of Traits – Viewing hyperfocus, sensory sensitivity, or direct communication as problematic rather than inherent ND traits.
  • Invalidation of Experiences – Dismissing the impact of ableism and minority stress, attributing distress solely to the ND rather than their environment.
  • Overemphasis on Social Norms – Prioritizing NT communication and behavior rather than helping NDs express themselves in ways that feel natural and comfortable.

NAT takes the opposite approach, recognizing that neurodivergence is a natural and valid way of being. Instead of trying to change the client, it seeks to support their unique needs and challenges by addressing external barriers, internalized ableism, and self-perception.

Core Principles of Neuroaffirming Therapy

Every ND is Unique

The saying “If you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person” holds true. Autism and ADHD manifest differently in everyone, meaning that therapy must be personalized to the individual’s needs, strengths, and intersectional identities (e.g., gender, race, sexuality, disability status).

Neurodivergence is Dynamic

Traits associated with autism and ADHD can fluctuate over time due to environmental factors, trauma, personal growth, and changing life circumstances. NAT recognizes that neurodivergence is not static but shaped by both genetics and lived experiences.

Pathology Often Co-Occurs

NAT does not pathologize neurodivergence itself, but it does acknowledge that conditions such as anxiety, depression, trauma, executive dysfunction, sensory processing disorder, and sleep disorders often co-occur and require compassionate, informed support.

Ableism is Pervasive and Harmful

Society is structured around NT norms, leading to systemic barriers that disadvantage NDs. NAT actively works to dismantle these barriers by advocating for accommodations, self-advocacy, community support, and radical acceptance.

Essy Knopf neuroaffirming therapy

Ableist Standards Are Internalized

Many NDs experience self-doubt and shame due to lifelong messaging that they are “wrong” or “deficient.” NAT helps clients unlearn internalized ableism, recognize their inherent worth, and embrace neurodivergence as part of their identity.

Ableism Creates Minority Stress

Living in a world that stigmatizes neurodivergence leads to chronic stress, burnout, and trauma. NAT provides a space where NDs can process these experiences without judgment and develop resilience through self-advocacy, community connection, and personal empowerment.

Complex PTSD is Common

Many NDs develop complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) due to chronic social rejection, bullying, masking, gaslighting, and misunderstandings. NAT helps clients recognize and heal from these traumas while rebuilding self-trust, emotional regulation skills, and coping mechanisms.

Rigidity is a Natural Response

NDs often develop rigid routines, preferences, and coping mechanisms as a way to navigate an unpredictable and often overwhelming world. Rather than labeling rigidity as a problem, NAT explores its origins and helps clients develop flexible, self-supportive strategies without forcing NT expectations.

Challenges Are Biopsychosocial

NAT acknowledges that difficulties faced by autistics and ADHDers arise from a combination of biological, psychological, social, and environmental factors—not just their neurotype. A comprehensive approach is necessary for effective support, which includes changing the environment, advocating for accommodations, building self-awareness, and challenging societal norms.

Why Neuroaffirming Therapy Matters

Traditional therapy often forces NDs to fit into NT frameworks, leading to further distress. NAT, however, takes an empowering, strengths-based approach that validates clients’ experiences and identities.

Therapists practicing NAT help clients understand that they are not broken or deficient—they are simply navigating a world not built for them. With the right support, they can learn to self-advocate, set boundaries, and cultivate a life that aligns with their authentic selves.

If you’re looking for a therapist, consider seeking out someone trained in NAT. And if you’re a therapist working with ND clients, integrating NAT principles can make a world of difference in your clients’ lives.

Want to Learn More?

Check out my book, The Neuroaffirming Therapy Handbook, or browse my blog for more insights into neurodiversity and mental health. If this post resonated with you, share it with others who might benefit!

Autism/ADHD

Embracing a multi-passionate life as a neurodivergent

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Essy Knopf multi-passionate
Reading time: 4 minutes

If you’re autistic or ADHD, you probably have a long list of interests and passions. Maybe you’ve been called “flaky” for switching career paths, or perhaps you’ve been criticized for not “sticking with one thing.” The truth is, being multi-passionate is a natural part of neurodivergence.

Many of us thrive on novelty, diving deep into different fields and skill sets with intense focus. While this ability can lead to a wealth of knowledge and experience, it can also leave us feeling torn between multiple career paths, unsure where to direct our energy. When society tells us we must pick one passion and stick with it for life, it can feel suffocating. But what if our ability to engage in multiple passions isn’t a weakness—but a strength?

Society often encourages specialization—picking a single career and staying with it for life. But for many neurodivergent (ND) folks, that can feel like an impossible demand. Our curiosity drives us to explore, learn, and master different skills. And yet, this trait is often misunderstood. Instead of being seen as ambitious, adaptable, and dynamic, we’re sometimes mislabeled as indecisive, unreliable, or lacking focus.

In this post, I’ll share my personal journey as a multi-passionate ND, the challenges I’ve faced, and the strategies I’ve used to find balance and fulfillment. Whether you’re struggling with career decisions, feeling overwhelmed by your many interests, or simply looking for validation that your way of being is okay—you’re not alone.

The Challenges of Being Multi-Passionate

Feeling Pulled in Multiple Directions

It’s common for NDs to have multiple career aspirations. You might love writing, filmmaking, science, and therapy all at once. It can feel overwhelming trying to decide where to focus your time and energy. Sometimes, we dive headfirst into one passion, only to find ourselves drawn to another soon after. This cycle of shifting focus can make us feel like we’re never making real progress.

Society’s Expectations Regarding Being Multi-passionate

Many people see job-hopping or changing interests as a lack of commitment. But for NDs, our drive to explore is an essential part of who we are. The traditional career path doesn’t always work for a multi-passionate individual. Instead of being encouraged to pursue a variety of interests, we’re often told to “just pick something” and “stick with it.” But forcing ourselves into a linear career path that doesn’t align with how our brains work can lead to frustration and burnout.

Burnout and Decision Fatigue

Diving deep into multiple passions can be exhausting. It’s easy to overcommit and stretch yourself too thin, leading to burnout. The mental load of deciding where to invest our time and energy can be overwhelming. The pressure to make the “right” choice often leads to decision paralysis, leaving us stuck in a cycle of starting and stopping projects without feeling like we’re getting anywhere.

Finding Balance: How to Thrive as a Multi-Passionate Neurodivergent

Reframe It as a Strength

Your ability to learn quickly, adapt, and explore diverse fields is an asset! Embrace your curiosity and use it to your advantage as a multi-passionate person. Instead of viewing your shifting interests as a flaw, recognize that your ability to see connections between different disciplines makes you a creative problem solver and an innovative thinker.

Look for Overlaps Between Your Interests

Can you combine passions into a unique career path? For example, if like me you love writing and psychology, maybe you can become a therapist who blogs. If you enjoy filmmaking and social work, you could create educational content about mental health.

Sometimes, the key to fulfillment isn’t choosing one passion over another but finding ways to integrate them into a career or lifestyle that allows you to engage with multiple interests simultaneously.

Adopt the “Ikigai” Framework

The Japanese concept of ikigai suggests that fulfillment comes from work that:

  • You love (your passion)
  • You’re good at (your vocation)
  • The world needs (your mission)
  • Pays you well (your profession)

If you can find a career that incorporates all four, you’re on the right track as a multi-passionate person! Rather than limiting yourself to just one pursuit, think about how you can create a career that aligns with your multiple passions and strengths.

Essy Knopf multi-passionate neurodivergent

Create a Passion Portfolio

Instead of choosing just one passion, consider how you can balance multiple interests over time. You don’t have to do everything at once—some passions can be hobbies, side projects, or long-term goals. A passion portfolio allows a multi-passionate individual to honor all their interests.

Think of your career and life as a buffet or combo platter rather than a set menu. You can sample different interests at different times, and it’s okay if your focus shifts. Allow yourself the flexibility to evolve.

Set Boundaries to Avoid Burnout

Prioritize rest and self-care. Give yourself permission to slow down and enjoy each passion without rushing to turn it into a career. Being multi-passionate doesn’t mean you have to do everything at once! Establishing healthy boundaries—such as time-blocking your passions, scheduling breaks, and recognizing when to step back—can help prevent burnout.

Redefining Success on Your Terms

Traditional career advice doesn’t always fit NDs. Instead of forcing yourself to fit into a mold that wasn’t designed for you, embrace the unique way your brain works as a multi-passionate ND. Success doesn’t have to mean climbing a single corporate ladder—it can mean crafting a fulfilling life that allows you to explore, create, and grow in multiple areas.

You are not “flaky” or “inconsistent”—you are passionate, curious, and adaptable. Your multi-passionate nature is a gift, and when harnessed effectively, it can lead to a rich, fulfilling life.

What about you? What are your passions, and how have you navigated the challenges of being multi-passionate? Let’s chat in the comments!

Autism/ADHD

Friendships can be so challenging for autistics and ADHDers. Here’s why.

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Essy Knopf friendships
Reading time: 2 minutes

Friendships are built on shared interests, trust, and mutual support. But for autistics and ADHDers, the journey to meaningful social connections is often fraught with obstacles. These challenges may include:

1. Different Social Expectations

Many neurotypical (NT) people engage in frequent small talk, spontaneous socializing, and indirect communication. For neurodivergents (NDs), these norms can feel exhausting or even confusing. If you prefer deep, structured conversations or struggle with picking up unspoken social rules, maintaining friendships can become difficult.

2. The ‘Friends for a Reason, Friends for a Season’ Phenomenon

Some friendships last only for a specific phase of life—like school, work, or a shared activity. While NT people may transition between relationships more smoothly, autistics and ADHDers often struggle with these changes, feeling hurt or rejected when they fade away.

3. Burnout from Socializing

Many NDs experience social fatigue. If you need extended time to recharge after interactions, you may unintentionally withdraw. This can lead to feelings of isolation and confusion, both for you and your friends.

4. Object Consistency vs. People Consistency

Some NDs find comfort in objects and hobbies over people. Objects provide stability—books, collections, and passions won’t suddenly change or reject you. This preference can make forming and maintaining friendships with unpredictable humans more challenging.

5. Struggles with Communication and Rejection

Misunderstandings can arise when ND communication styles clash with NT expectations. A direct comment may be misinterpreted as rude, or an info-dump on a passion might overwhelm someone. Over time, repeated social mishaps can lead to a fear of rejection, making it harder to engage in new friendships.

Essy Knopf friendships

Strategies for Navigating Friendships as an ND

If you’ve struggled with friendships, know that you are not alone. Here are some ways to navigate social connections:

1. Seek Like-Minded People

Look for friendships in ND-friendly spaces, whether online communities, shared interest groups, or local meetups that encourage structured social interactions.

2. Accept That Some Friendships Are Temporary

It’s okay if some friendships naturally fade. Instead of seeing it as a personal failure, recognize that relationships ebb and flow for everyone.

3. Set Boundaries for Social Energy

Allow yourself to take breaks from socializing when needed. Communicate your boundaries clearly with friends so they understand when you need space.

4. Find Alternative Forms of Connection

If in-person socializing feels overwhelming, consider text-based friendships, pen pals, or hobby-focused groups where interaction is structured around a shared interest.

5. Work on Self-Compassion

Friendship struggles are not a reflection of your worth. Many NDs feel isolated simply because society isn’t structured to accommodate different social needs. Be kind to yourself and celebrate the connections you do have, no matter how small.

Final Thoughts

Friendships for autistics and ADHDers can be challenging, but understanding these struggles can help foster self-acceptance and guide us toward meaningful connections. By embracing alternative ways of socializing and finding people who truly appreciate us, we can build relationships that feel supportive and authentic.

Autism/ADHD Wellbeing

Why sleep is a challenge for neurodivergents

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Essy Knopf sleep
Reading time: 3 minutes

If you’ve ever found yourself staring at the ceiling long after bedtime, mind racing with thoughts, or tossing and turning from discomfort, you’re not alone. Sleep can be elusive for many neurodivergents (NDs), particularly those with autism, ADHD, or hypermobile spectrum disorders. Despite exhaustion, falling and staying asleep can feel impossible.

The reasons for these struggles vary. A heightened sensory system might make every little sound or flicker of light feel intrusive. A restless mind, common in ADHD, can keep a person awake with an endless stream of thoughts. And for those with hypermobility conditions like Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, physical discomfort can make finding a comfortable sleeping position a nightly challenge.

Why Sleep Matters More Than We Realize

We all know sleep is important, but for NDs, poor sleep can amplify existing challenges. Lack of rest can increase anxiety, make emotional regulation harder, and reduce focus and executive functioning. If you already experience sensory sensitivities, sleep deprivation can heighten them, making the world feel even more overwhelming.

And for those with hypermobility, exhaustion only compounds chronic pain and fatigue, making day-to-day activities feel even more draining. In short, getting enough quality sleep isn’t just about feeling rested—it’s crucial for mental and physical well-being.

Why Standard Sleep Advice Often Falls Short

Many people struggling with sleep are given the same advice: avoid screens before bed, maintain a consistent bedtime, or drink chamomile tea. While these tips may help to some extent, they often don’t address the deeper issues that NDs face.

Instead of relying solely on traditional sleep hygiene practices, it’s important to explore solutions tailored to the specific needs of NDs.

Rather than forcing yourself into a rigid sleep routine that doesn’t align with your brain or body, consider experimenting with approaches that accommodate your unique needs.

Creating a Sensory-Friendly Environment

For those sensitive to stimuli, reducing sensory overload before bed is key. Try using a weighted blanket for deep-pressure comfort, adjusting room temperature to avoid discomfort, or incorporating white noise machines to drown out background distractions. Even small changes—like switching to softer bedding or blackout curtains—can make a big difference.

Easing a Restless Mind

If your brain refuses to slow down at bedtime, structured relaxation techniques might help. Journaling before bed can provide an outlet for racing thoughts, while guided meditation or breathing exercises can shift your focus from mental chatter to physical calm. Reducing stimulating activities, like intense conversations or fast-paced video games, in the hour leading up to bedtime can also help ease the transition to sleep.

Finding the Right Sleep Position

For those with hypermobility, joint pain and discomfort can make it difficult to find a comfortable sleeping position. Experimenting with different mattress types, pillows for joint support, or even compression garments might help reduce nighttime pain and improve sleep quality.

Working with Your Natural Rhythms

NDs often have unique circadian rhythms, which means forcing an early bedtime may not be realistic. Instead of fighting your body’s natural patterns, consider gradually shifting your bedtime in small increments or allowing for flexibility in your sleep schedule when possible.

Essy Knopf improving neurodivergent sleep

Seeking Professional Guidance

If sleep struggles persist despite your best efforts, seeking support from professionals familiar with neurodivergence may be beneficial. A sleep specialist, occupational therapist, or doctor knowledgeable about autism, ADHD, and hypermobility can provide more personalized interventions. In some cases, options like melatonin, cognitive-behavioral therapy for insomnia (CBT-I), or physical therapy for pain management may be helpful.

Sleep Isn’t One-Size-Fits-All

Ultimately, there’s no single magic fix for sleep struggles, but understanding your unique challenges is the first step toward finding solutions that work for you. By making small, tailored adjustments—whether through sensory modifications, relaxation techniques, or flexible sleep schedules—you can begin to improve your sleep quality and, in turn, your overall well-being.

Have you found any strategies that help you sleep better? Share your experiences in the comments!

Autism/ADHD

My body hates me! Living with hypermobile autism and ADHD

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Essy Knopf hypermobile spectrum disorders
Reading time: 3 minutes

Many autistics and ADHDers experience more than just neurodivergence. For some, their bodies seem to betray them—resulting in pain, instability, and exhaustion. One such hidden struggle is hypermobile spectrum disorders (HSD) and Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (EDS), conditions that affect connective tissue and, consequently, almost every system in the body.

For those with hypermobility, something as simple as taking off a shirt can become a painful ordeal. Joints can sublux (partially dislocate) or fully dislocate with minimal effort, leading to intense pain and long recovery periods. Hypermobile individuals may also experience fragile skin, slow wound healing, chronic fatigue, and circulation issues, such as postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome (POTS).

The Hypermobile Diagnostic Struggle

Despite the serious implications of HSD and EDS, diagnosis is often a long and frustrating journey. Many medical professionals misattribute symptoms to anxiety, fibromyalgia, or simply growing pains, leading to years of confusion and untreated suffering. Since the medical field is still catching up with research on hypermobility, many doctors are unaware of the condition’s full impact, especially in neurodivergents (NDs).

Like autism and ADHD, hypermobility disorders exist on a spectrum. Some people may experience mild joint instability, while others face life-altering pain and frequent dislocations. The lack of general awareness means that many NDs are left undiagnosed, struggling to piece together their symptoms.

The Neurodivergence Connection

Research has begun to uncover an interesting overlap between neurodivergence and hypermobility disorders. Many autistics and ADHDers report hypermobile joints, fragile skin, and chronic pain. Scientists suspect that whatever genetic factors contribute to autism and ADHD may also play a role in connective tissue disorders.

This link adds another layer of difficulty for NDs already navigating a world designed for neurotypicals (NTs). When combined with executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivities, and motor coordination challenges, hypermobility can make daily life feel like an uphill battle.

The Daily Challenges of Hypermobility

People with hypermobility often experience:

  • Frequent joint dislocations and subluxations – Even basic movements can lead to sudden, sharp pain.
  • Chronic fatigue – The body has to work extra hard to stabilize weak joints, leading to exhaustion.
  • Slow wound healing and fragile skin – A simple scrape can take weeks to heal.
  • Digestive issues – Many individuals with HSD/EDS develop irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and food sensitivities.
  • Dysautonomia and POTS – Blood pooling in the legs causes dizziness and fainting when standing.

Strategies for Managing Hypermobile Autism & ADHD

Although hypermobility presents unique challenges, there are ways to manage symptoms and improve quality of life:

  1. Physical Therapy – Strengthening muscles around weak joints can reduce dislocations and long-term damage.
  2. Joint Supports & Braces – Using compression sleeves, braces, and KT tape can help stabilize joints.
  3. Low-Impact Exercise – Activities like swimming, Pilates, or yoga (with modifications) help maintain strength without excessive strain.
  4. Dietary Adjustments – Following a low-histamine or low-FODMAP diet may help manage digestive issues related to HSD.
  5. Hydration & Salt Intake – Increasing both can help manage POTS symptoms.
  6. Medication & Supplements – Antihistamines, pain management medications, and specific supplements can help alleviate symptoms.
  7. Pacing & Spoon Theory – Learning to conserve energy throughout the day can prevent excessive fatigue and flare-ups.
Essy Knopf hypermobility health challenges

The Importance of Recognition and Advocacy

For NDs with hypermobility, receiving a proper diagnosis can be life-changing. It provides validation and opens the door to appropriate accommodations and treatments. Advocating for oneself in the medical system is essential, but it can also be exhausting. Seeking out knowledgeable specialists, such as a rheumatologist or geneticist, can make all the difference.

There’s still much to learn about the relationship between autism, ADHD, and hypermobility, but awareness is growing. If you suspect you might have HSD or EDS, researching resources like The Ehlers-Danlos Society and connecting with online communities can be incredibly helpful.

Final Thoughts

Living with hypermobile autism and ADHD comes with unique struggles, but knowledge and the right strategies can make a significant impact. If your body feels like it’s working against you, know that there are ways to improve your daily life. Seeking support and making small but meaningful adjustments can lead to greater stability, less pain, and a better overall quality of life.

Do you struggle with connective tissue-like symptoms? Sound off in the comments!